Where to start with preparing for your birth experience?
There’s already a lot going on, including being tired, irritable, and feeling like you are definitely Not Yourself.
And how could you be, you have at least another human there within you, that seems to be utilizing a lot of your personal resources. There is so much to learn about this, and then there also isn’t, because having a baby, growing a baby, is really a subject women already have the technology to do, it’s there within you when you were born. All the skills and tools needed are there in your DNA, The weeks and months ahead as baby grows and develops, while you busy yourself with your life are really a classic example of just how much your body’s own technology and the new life within you, know just what to do, and in what order too.
Can you really relax this much about it? Well, yes, and yet, also no. Not quite so easy these days, with so many helpful resources available in the form of books, movies, literature, and oh yes the helpful advice from just about anyone you meet anywhere. They can all see you are having a baby. It’s hard to stay out of the line of fire, so here’s perhaps a helpful thing to remember if you get cornered by a helpful aunt with her worst case scenario stories; just remember, all new mothers have to use the bathroom A LOT. If you don’t like what you are hearing, just, look up, and say “Oh I have to …” and turn and go.
Everyone knows and it’s perfectly ok.
The majority of my tasks are affirming these very things to new parents, especially mothers. They are easily “entranced” with thoughts of food, and then open to all kinds of negative downloads. Often they forget these critical considerations:
- Their doctor or midwife is monitoring everything. Yes, every little detail is measured, quantified, and analysis is complete
- Their family members are studying the situation regularly and looking for any unusual anomalies, like dreams or food cravings
- And then there is the literature, both online, in book stores, in the midwives offices, and even in my own library too!
- And we’re all happy to lend and make available.
So what can a new mother really do during her pregnancy to really help herself prepare for this life shifting event?
Dr Odent’s notes here on my web page and you can view his wonderful Video – he just gives women such peace about their body and trusting their baby. AND I also wanted to include this wonderful article from a doctor to his client – it comes from another time – another decade, maybe even another century, yet it still rings very true and its helped many mothers achieve a relaxed pregnancy during our weeks together as we prepare for her birth experience.
First let me share what I do:
I am a clinical Hypnotherapist and NLP Licensed Trainer & Master Practitioner, DHE Specialist. I am a HypnoBirthing® Certified Child Care Educator. I’m also a Birth and Labour Coach and trained as a Doula.
I work with parents and have attended 100’s of births in the past fifteen years… I’ve attended births in major hospitals, at home, and water births; with Midwives, MD’s & OB’s. My personal mantra is “helping women get what they want”.
My other specialities are Bulimia & Eating Disorders, Phobic cures, and a whole host of other areas of speciality which I work in.
Using NLP and the HypnoBirthing model I uncover these deep structures and assist a woman out of alignment and out of rapport with TV, MEDIA & negative priming from just about any source, so mothers come to believe in their body, themselves and their baby and have established clear’ pattern interruptions’ for those that would dissuade them otherwise
I detail the visual, auditory and feeling experiences they will have and add to it, auditory MP3’s that guide the woman every step of the way, with a volume selection she has control of.
Accessing their own deeper structure I draw on personal strengths, illicit the areas of fear that are truly irrelevant to their individual births, because they have not happened to them yet! I teach them how to move out of rapport with anything that does not fit their inner image of that calm and peaceful birth. As care providers, we can all learn this process because it’s just technique! We’re doing it anyway and understanding the resultant effect of negative priming versus positive priming is what my program is all about.
In addition, because we live in a time when we have access to every kind of care and support we could want, I help parents embrace all choices. Of course, you want everything to go smoothly and without incident, and we have professionals supporting your desires all the way. There is simply no need for a mother to feel she has failed her birth, or her child and risk challenging bonding just because she believed her birth was no perfect. Let me just say, Every Birth Is Perfect. And today thankfully, we are able to choose and make possible that optimum experience for all parents. Assured and supported every step of the way.
In fact, it is now part of the “inclusive” language patterns being taught in the UK in the midwifery schools there, that the birth is without judgement about whether it’s natural or not. So mothers can feel relaxed with however the birth progresses, and not feel like they have failed.
“My Birth, MY WAY” and whose way is it? It could be the birth of the baby? It could be the birth of the mother? It can even come under the medical providers needs when they see evidence that things are not going as they would like. All the way through a birth experience, that ability to remain flexible helps the parents make powerful choices. And we are in a time when a choice is available. Thankfully.
We’ve been missing a key ingredient in the birth model in the west today.
We’ve overlooked a very essential part of an individual’s deep structure: Their Beliefs!
And how does a woman get her beliefs about her birth?
- What about the Father of the child? What does he believe about Birthing, about his role in the process? About becoming a father? About being there as support at the birth? The immediate family members, what do they believe about birthing? How do they influence the process?
NLP & Hypnosis,
“The experience of our doctors has shown that every woman who enters the delivery room can be helped by hypnosis to some degree at least, and in many of them, complete freedom from discomfort can be obtained. Some doctors report over 90% of their cases are successful using Hypnosis. Not every doctor has this high percentage but a large number of them do!”
- Elman – Hypnotherapy 1964, Conditioning for Hypnotic Delivery & Surgery
- Neuro – Nervous system through which experience is received and processed through the five senses.
- Linguistic – Language and nonverbal communication systems through which neural representations are coded, ordered, and given meaning.
- Programming – The ability to organize our communication and neurological systems to achieve specific desired goals and results.
Incorporated in 1982 the Society of NLP was founded by Dr. Richard Bandler. The Model of NLP however, was co-created by John Grinder, a linguist and Dr Bandler, and Frank Pucelik together in the mid-late ’70s. They found there were a number of therapists and psychotherapists achieving exceptional results consistently however, not held in the same way by their peers who had taken the same training.
Something was different. They modelled, Virginia Satir, Fritz Perls, Milton Erickson and others, in doing so they found these individuals while achieving consistently excellent results with the clients, were unaware that they did anything special in their work. Interestingly, when gathered together, these individuals were likewise unimpressed with each other
Understanding how we organize the world “out there” into bits of information that we can utilize “in here” is the essential undertaking of NLP.
We know the five senses filter the billions of particles of data daily, filtering them through, generalizing, distorting, deleting and creating little acronyms of events that we can access easily later. Like tying your shoelaces. At 4 years old this was a challenge, at 7 you had it down, now it’s nothing you think of. Riding your bike, a struggle for balance, manoeuvrability, eye coordination at age 5, however now, it’s effortless. these are skills you have for your lifetime.
The brain functions in ways we might think are laborious and complicated, but it’s doing everything so fast we don’t experience anything other than the free flow of information. For example, our eyes see everything upside and reversed then the brain orders it and give us the correct images in the correct places.
Here’s another one: DON’T THINK OF A PURPLE GIRAFFE.
Exactly you have to First Think of it, in order to not think of it. So when people get frustrated with thinking the same thoughts, or not being able to stop thinking about something…telling them to not think about it, …is telling them to THINK ABOUT IT.
Enter Pattern Interruptions! Interrupt any brain pattern by simply THINKING ABOUT SOMETHING ELSE FOR MORE THAN 15 seconds. The internal argument ceases!
- “NLP May Be The Most Powerful Vehicle For Change In Existence!” — Modern Psychology
- NLP helps you find out what you want and how you can get what you want.
- NLP teaches you to communicate more successfully and create the right climate for your birth.
- NLP increases your sensitivity towards others body language and signals and teaches you to maintain good relationships with those close and not so close to you.
- NLP opens doors to hidden resources, improves your ability to concentrate, your ability to learn and paves the way for excellence through positive priming and patterning
NLP changes your behaviour positively so that you can handle negative experiences and eliminate phobias, stress, guilty feelings and depression
Richard Bandler and linguist John Grinder, asked themselves a simple but fascinating question: “What is it that makes the difference between somebody who is merely competent at any given skill, and somebody who excels at the same skill?”
Do you see the focus? Not on what can go wrong, but rather on what can go very right! Positive versus negative priming
I asked that same question when I had a first time, 39-year-old lawyer birthing her 7-pound daughter labouring at home for five hours and transporting to the hospital for birthing just an hour later. Her birthing time, from 4 cm to birth was under 6 hours. Intact perineum. She was up and about at home a day later, running up and down the stairs to her baby in the nursery.
This mother worked with me for 6 months beforehand, she had many fears and worries, her husband sceptical at first…her caseload was heavy preparing for her year of maternity leave. She had little time to exercise, little knowledge of how her very intelligent brain worked and just following the process we worked out together
- What are the chances focusing on what you want and how to get that is the very best way to achieve a powerful birth outcome?
- Why rehearse and prepare for the “worst case scenario” just in case? What if you don’t even know all the things that could go wrong and let your doctors, midwives and support teams deal with all that?
- “It’s my job to inform you of all the things that can go wrong during birth. If I don’t inform you of every aspect and detail, then I haven’t done my job properly.” OB Intern to the woman at 4cm clinging to her husband’s arm.
- “it appears there is little distinction between hypnosis and priming except that the latter occurs without the induction of “formal’ trance, or through the medium of well-crafted suggestions. The delivery of influential and potentially negative and harmful messages to the patient’s unconscious – whether or not they are intended by the speaker. Forcible or surreptitious “thought-changing” is popularly regarded as brainwashing. Commonly associated with extreme political groups and cults, heightened suggestibility is also known to be induced through trauma, fear and confusion.
- The pre-requisites to successful thought-changing as identified by the late Margaret Thaler Singer: “Thoughts, values, behaviours, allegiances and beliefs may be substantially altered in conditions where the subject is deprived of his or her own: Clothing, familiar foods, timetable and sense of control. The effect is magnified substantially when the victim is exposed to, but often excluded by the use of a highly specialized language which everyone else seemingly is party to is required to capitulate and submit to the wisdom of a superior sacred science, is discouraged from asking questions or making objections, and is constantly aware that the perceived authorities have the power of life or death.” G. Thomson, Magic in Practice. There is something more at work here, the pregnant woman is also in an altered state, fractionation, the “in and out of deeper states” constantly for hours as her body moves her deeper and deeper into the labour process and she is open to suggestions at a very deep level of the unconscious.
- The perception of stress can both trigger and regulate Allostatic load.
- Psychological modulators are as follows:
- Social Support/connectedness,
- Sense of Control, Predictability, ritual
- Outlook (optimistic vr. Pessimistic)
- Ability to dissipate frustration.
- Feeling you are in control of your work and personal life is one of the best predictors for a long and healthy life.Conversely feeling victimized by unpredictable forces outside of your control, can be a killer.
- How much control does a birthing mother need?
Dave Elman wrote this in 1964…
He taught the doctors that worked with him what to say to the mothers so they could have this pain free, easy birth, he said :
“Address your mothers as follows;
I want to tell you about the benefits of relaxation. You know very well that if you were tense and I have to give you an injection you’d feel the entrance of that needle very sharply because of the fact that you were tense. But suppose you were relaxed and were absolutely and utterly relaxed. You can reach such a state of relaxation that you have no discomfort at all at the delivery time. When you are physically and mentally relaxed it is actually so easy to have a baby it’s actually true that in this state the contractions rather than being uncomfortable actually create a very pleasant sensation in your body.”
If a mother looks forward to the ordeal as described by her friends, the media or family, that having a baby is horrible, she looks forward to what’s she’s heard with fear and trepidation. And if I tell you all the descriptions of labour are false, all those terms and names keep a mothers attitude in the wrong state.
- “There is only one thing that can prevent you from having an easy birth experience, despite all the work we do with you to prepare. Only one thing, a thing called fear!
- At the time of birth you must be absolutely and totally free of fear and worry if you want to have your baby easily. We will have perfect results if you follow some simple instructions and keep fear and worry out of it” Dave Elman, 1964
- Knowing what’s going to happen is as important as experiencing what is happening.
- Our ability to predict successful outcomes, to pain or stressful situations helps us cope with the events themselves and manage them.
- It’s not going to last forever
- I can do this, just this one surge, and now this one surge, and this one…and finally there are more behind me than in front of me, and I’m almost there.
- “It’s nearly over” creates the most hopeful expectation in a birthing mother!
So what if your doctor said to you:
“I want you to practice relaxation, I want you to practice just what you have been doing here. Learn how to relax at home, so that when your baby comes, you will be all ready for it and feeling so wonderful during delivery and after delivery. Notice how that feeling of relaxation holds on and makes you say to yourself,
“Motherhood is going to be a glorious adventure for me. I’m going to love every minute of it”. And he goes on….
One of the benefits of relaxation practice is it shortens the labour period tremendously. It will shorten it almost miraculously. You’ll be so delighted because, with each surge, the surges will get more and more pleasant so by the last few surges you will actually find yourself smiling through them. And you’ll be saying to yourself that that surge is over I’m even closer to my birth, you’ll feel good, empowered, on top of your game.
You trust your body and it feels really good. You will meet your baby as soon as it’s born because you will be awake during the entire birth. After the birth you will be just as strong and empowered as you feel now, your strength will be complete, your feeling of well-being will be complete and you’ll recover so quickly much more so than ordinarily because this relaxation has served all this so well. Then when you begin to nurse you will find it so very easy and effortless, you’ll be speaking to others soon afterwards as you realize birth for you was really just terrific.
Another benefit is it reduces any of the sensations you might have during labour and allows them to pass through you easily and effortless like you would pass your hand through the water in a pool.
The sensations are shorter, the labour is shorter, and the wonderful miraculous part is because your muscles are so relaxed and open to releasing baby, your body does so without any lasting impact on muscles or tissues, and you are up and recovered easily within a few hours afterwards.”
This is what we do together, in our practice over the months before your birth. We practice relaxation.
We are now entering a new phase in humanity. At a very deep core level, we all get this….be kinder to each other.
- Death is an illusion, so is separation and abandonment, however, we continue to feed ourselves regular instalments of these unnecessary fear packets that reinforce our addictions to negative priming.
- You can change your birth experience and prepare yourself for parenthood through positive priming and learning relaxation so you too will be ready when your baby comes.