Little Sister and Grandmother

I loved this story! I think it’s one of the ones that inspire me daily! Perhaps its never been more prevalent than right now!

Where clouds meet Sky…there I am also

One day, Little sister was sitting with Grandmother gazing into the great reflecting mirror of the Milky Way, and Grandmother and she were looking at the current condition of the feminine on the planet of Earth. The little sister, chin in hand looking despondent. Grandmother looking perplexed.

Grandmother finally said “What can be the struggle? do these daughters not know they are creativity ? That I placed the creative continuum into their physical beings? It was never given for the purpose of a tool of exchange! It was never offered as something to be controlled, manipulated or subjugated! It is their DIVINE RIGHT!”

“I gave every female on the planet the blueprints in their DNA for creation, and it’s a part of their power!”

Little Sister beside Grandmothers knee said, “they don’t seem to get that do they?”

“No indeed, look at these young ones, they know who they are, but they are listening to all these descriptions of who they SHOULD be, and that’s just so they can be manipulated! They are so confused! They think their bodies are ugly? That if they all look the same, they will be accepted! Yet even the blades of grass that number in the trillions are all different! They don’t seem to see they are My own beautiful reflection in them, in My divine Mirror, they are the beauty of life unfolding, they are Me in My youthful bloom! And I am so delicately beautiful in this very soft stage of my evolution!

And look at these women that are to be mothers, filled with the full bloom of creation, why is there so much fear? They are fulfilling their divine purpose, the purpose that out of all others will give them a sense of completion and purpose and remind them of their divine will and power! And they are fearful and terrified and they tell each other the most atrocious stories and they believe those stories and they are hurting my new creations, I gave them these perfect birthing bodies so they would not fail them! 

And my young mothers, so fearful of being Me…of offering divine guidance to their little ones through Me. Afraid they will somehow do it wrong? Afraid to feed their little ones the milk I made flow through them? That their goddess milk is somehow flawed or imperfect for the child she grew from her own cells?

And My women that are stepping into their power as women in wholeness and completion in the knowledge of who they are…they seem so lost. So alone, no – so lonely. They have forgotten these are their power years. Their years to produce to fly to be Me in all My divinity! Create with a mad palette and love yourself in your feminine fullness!

They watch programs that create doubt and read books that make them long for some illusive happiness.

All the while, these daughters believe this is none of their doing, they were only seeking to be happy. And they do not know that seeking anything outside yourself is illusive at best…a fading illusion on the tapestry of a life.

And my ancient ones, the ones most close to my ancient heart, they are grieving for the loss of their youth, having lived in fear. They see their daughters & granddaughters choices and are powerless to guide them…and they slip into a dream drifting on a sea of endless forgotten memories…..”

Little Sister at Grandmothers knee sighed deeply and said, “Oh Grandmother whatever will we do?”

Then the little sister stood up and said, “Grandmother, what if I go and take this message to the Sisterhood, remind them of you, and of your ways and that you are here listening and seeing all they are doing and offering to help them, to call you into themselves when they need to, and remind them that they do have power, and how to keep that power and how to use it!”

“What if I take that knowledge there and tell them the Truth about who they really are?”

Grandmother said to little Sister, “Well it’s a big job for a tiny one like you”

They both gaze back upon the situation on Earth and sigh. Then Grandmother turns and says to little Sister, the most important words of her little light and life:

“Well, little one, if not you, then Who?”

Little Sister stood so tall beside the great knee of Grandmother and solemnly swore, “If I forget who I am, if I get lost and forget you, Grandmother, I’m going to say to you in the pretend darkness, come help me to remember you

And give me the courage to speak to my sisters about you and remind them of their power and who they really are, remember Grandmother I am only little and I will need you to come to me and remind me of my path if am getting lost in all that too.”

Grandmother nodded and whispered across Little Sisters heart a mantra the that would remind her when she most needed it, and that mantra was:

  “I AND THE MOTHER ARE AS ONE” 

Where to start…

Looking Back!

I remember when I was first pregnant I was pretty young, just 20, however, in those days, that was perfect timing, Married then pregnant. It seemed we were all in that mindset.

My body was young, strong and yet it wanted things its WAY! Within a few weeks of being pregnant, I was suddenly so tired!

Then the smells got to me! The smell of coffee, or bacon frying, any kind of greasy food and I was running for the bathroom.

I no longer wanted any kind of protein from any animal, bird or fish sources. Vegetables and some fruit, cheese and that was it. I was on pregnancy vitamins and told DO NOT GAIN WEIGHT.

Yes, those were the days! Our weight was monitored like a critical factor; we were not allowed to gain any more than 20 pounds with pregnancy and 20 was considered too much. I gained 18.

My body started to adjust itself to eating when it felt like it, and only from the food sources noted…no one really cared, other than don’t gain…we didn’t have ultrasounds or Gestational Diabetes tests; so hence when my first child was born at 8 pounds 11 ounces and I was weighed I was 17 pounds less than when I’d started the pregnancy! My body had been contributing to my infant’s development. Today we know better.

At that time there wasn’t a lot of information on pregnancy or birth models like we have today. In fact, the companies marketing Formula had installed themselves in most hospitals and integrated fully with the nursing staff. So much so, that they sent us home with a 6 pack of formula – Free!

No breastfeeding guidance, in fact, it was discouraged the most we got in the birthing room was an injection to dry up our milk. “Oh come now, you don’t want to be bothering with all that messy stuff now, do you? This way, others can help you feed the baby too”

They didn’t ask what my home situation was, I was heading home to my parents home, my husband was building our house, and working night shifts, my mother was dying with Pancreatic Cancer and I was the only one feeding the baby and doing a lot of other things too, like monitoring blood sugar levels, insulin injections, keeping the chart up to date for the doctors visits. Meals and keeping the house going, and dealing with the deep grief of knowing we were losing her PLUS up all night with a newborn.

My lovely little baby thrived and she spent many hours with my mother lying next to her…while I tended to the tasks of the house, meals for my mother and the family, it was a lot. My mother said she felt as the baby grew she was getting smaller, and indeed she was. She passed away just a few months after my daughter’s birth.

I know for some of you, your baby won’t even get that much time, as your mothers have already passed. For you I offer this awareness as you share your mother’s gene pool with your partner, she will live on in your little one. Same genes!

AND for an added insight, as your mother birthed you, your some 200,000 eggs were there within you at the moment of birth. So those eggs were for a time, within your mother too. Like the Russian Dolls, our mothers are not very far away from our moments – especially the big ones! She’ll be there with you and she’ll be there in your infant’s eyes, hair colour, fingernails, she’s there looking back at you.

My Birth had Zero Prep

My doctor had given me a very small grey covered book about “Reproduction” about 50 pages in length that offered a vague reference to body parts. That was it! Hmmm.

With my mother ill during the pregnancy I had not asked her any questions and my two older sisters who had children – had terrible birth experiences so they didn’t want to chat about it at all. They didn’t breastfeed either, and while neither had C-Sections (it wasn’t savvy then) they had long, painful and difficult deliveries.

We’d been working at our new house and I’d carried some 200 gallons of paint into the house that day, so I was pretty tired and had some consistent low back pain that evening. Mom was in the hospital, so we headed home and I had a bath to which my father suddenly realized I was heading into labour! He said to me – Don’t get in the bath, just don’t,- time to go to the hospital. I was barely in labour and laughing now, I know it would have been ok to remain at home for another day, and rest however, off we went.

The labour felt long, hard, and threatening. We didn’t do “doula’s” Midwives were something foreign and only available in the UK. There always seemed to be something wrong, and I was the cause or culprit. If I was sleeping or resting, they woke me “what are you doing sleeping, you are supposed to be having a baby”

And up I would have to get and walk around the room for hours. After 60 hours of this, finally baby arrived, with forceps and an epidural.

This was early days for epidurals – and business as usual with forceps delivery; they only administered the epidural once you are 10 cm and on the delivery table. And it was near to impossible to remain still enough to allow the needle to be inserted between the surges. It was amazing when it finally took hold, however! Yes, a long and messy episiotomy too.

By the time it was all over, I was black and blue and remained in the hospital for 10 days! I didn’t see my newborn who had been over this rough terrain with me, for another 24 hours, as it was a Catholic hospital and we birthed on a Saturday Night.  No babies until Monday morning

She was finally introduced to me at the 8 am feeding on Monday morning for 20 minutes. They hadn’t started “rooming in” yet when I think of it, it was pretty brutal. However, not as harsh as my mothers day, when they used to drug the mothers so much they wouldn’t wake for 2 -3 days. What happened to us little ones during those times?

I wondered where had my infant been all this time? Did she know me? It was so foreign to suddenly be meeting this little one, and she was mine? the two of us met for the first time not knowing that the time between wasn’t completely normal

It was normal for the times. That’s the way it all went and we had little say in any of it. I remember looking at the girl in the bed next to me, sitting cross-legged the first morning after birthing, and wondering – how is she doing that? For me, I was in agony!

Pre-Birth Health Considerations and optimization:

It was some years ago now, I was privileged to find myself birthing with a number of Naturopath students. One had come to me and now referred me to the rest of her companions. We had 11 ND Births that year. I too wondered what was in their water?

Each ND, however, shared her Pre-Birth strategy and I think it’s such a good one I wanted to write about it here. They also advised that this super clean health focus and cleansing the body and cells prior to getting pregnant ensured when they actually got pregnant their body was in optimal health as would be their eggs!

First, when they decided they were going to get pregnant, they put themselves on 6 months cleanse of the “system” before even starting the pregnancy

This included healthy cleansing – not the kind you buy in a kit today.

They used green juices and healthy vitamins and natural teas to cleanse, heal and remove toxins from their body.

Especially the Liver, Kidney and Intestinal track, lower colon which sits very close to the reproductive organs.

This ultimately clears and cleanses the whole system, and you don’t want to do this like Speed Dating. You want to allow time and the gentle removal of toxins consistently to work.

What they also removed from their diets was interesting:

Caffeine – from tea, coffee and chocolate
All Sugars from non-natural sources
Most restricted the use of glutens and moved towards rice as their carb of choice
Oats and grains were important, so were beans and dark greens.
Zero Alcohol or smoking (none smoked anyway, however, they liked beer and wine, that subsided during this 6 months before too)
Milk was not part of their diet at all; instead, they used the nut milk available today

They ate 6-10 small meals a day, balancing fruit with proteins so as to maintain good blood sugar levels.
Lots of water, naps and listening to their body’s needs
They took high-grade Pregnancy Vitamins and supplements for the whole of the 6 months prior

Then the most shocking part of all of this?

They put their husbands on the same dietary cleanse and foods for the same period of time. WHAT? Did he do it?

Yes, you want a baby with me, I want my baby to have optimal sperm! You are either in this with me, or you are not interested in having a child with me!

Ultimately this was the outcome:

1: They all became pregnant when they wanted to
2: Their infants were all, healthy weights and good APGAR Scores
3: They gained weight during the pregnancy, however, held primarily to the foods they had eaten during the cleanse
4: Many birthed in-home water births with midwives
5: Births we deliciously on time, within 7- 10 hours of starting
most managing the whole pregnancy experience with gentle sounds and support of those they chose to have with them
6: Very few of them had to change strategies mid-birth and go to the hospital, in fact, there was only one that did, and that was primarily because her “birth space” at home was pretty busy with parents and family all showing up at the same time.
7: One C-Section occurred when the week before the birth the baby rotated into a full breach with head up and bum down, and she would not turn

This taught all the powerful skill of the Positive Reframe. We reframed the whole experience for mom and dad and baby was born in just under 20 minutes in a C-section

What I might share about this group of women and their partners,

They trusted their bodies, they trusted their partners in life and they had remained focused on what they wanted.

Both parents committed to the process and both brought their A game

Challenges to become pregnant:

Many women today are opting to wait longer before becoming pregnant, certainly longer than I did. At 20 we barely know who we are; never mind taking on responsibility for another’s life, and yet, this was the way of it not too many years ago. Certainly, before birth control, women had less choice in this matter.

Because we have the choice today, it’s creating this challenge around waiting until we get everything done, to become pregnant

Today we are into school, degrees, high-stress jobs, then adding to this, the lifestyle that goes with this and the foods and beverages we consume.

Does our body ever get really clear from the internal debris in a three week cleanse?

And then there is the whole stress and tension, the lack of sleep, the issues around releasing our jobs and what we will come back to?

For many women in leadership roles, it’s a completely engineered task and that becomes challenging too. When is the optimal moment? And now we have gone past that, what next?

It’s a lot for women today, however, that said we can still bring our A-Game to the conception side of this and give our bodies and our partners the same “housecleaning” before we start.

Of course, during the pregnancy, it’s just optimum to keep feeding your body and your newly forming infant with the highest frequency of food sources and vitamins and minerals.

Some mothers will say to me “yes I have pregnancy vitamins” however, they are from one of the lowest and cheapest manufacturers of vitamins. It’s only 9 months; your baby deserves the best start so opt for the best.

Health Issues that can arise:

Because we can measure and monitor everything these days, it’s best to be really conscious about what you are doing when going for various tests. Many women don’t really think about the outcome of these tests.

One client I had was in the habit of each morning consuming an extra large Tim Horton’s Iced Cap. Well her Gestational Diabetes test shot through the roof when she went for her appointment. She just didn’t think about the connection to the outcome. Her blood sugars were through the roof.

If you have been eating a lot of fruit or giving into your cravings for sweets during your pregnancy you might be moving toward Gestational Diabetes.

This is totally preventable with proper nutrition, and eating 6 small meals a day, balancing your diet with proteins – these help keep you balanced and your blood sugar in check.

Why is this important? Medically it can affect your infant to have blood sugars too high in the system. She /he could develop diabetes later in their lives. So could you.

Just know, it’s not fun. It’s really challenging to monitor and keep your blood sugars balanced and with children, it’s really hard for them.

Before your Gestational Diabetes tests – ensure you have had a week of Good Eating habits, cut back on the fruits and ensure you are eating enough proteins at each meal.

This will ensure you are on task with this test.

Pregnancy for a woman can seem like a non-issue in our twenties, lots of time.
The thirties too, then suddenly time is slipping past, and getting pregnant can become challenging.

Clearing and cleansing the body before and maintaining good habits during, is just the best start to life you can offer your little ones.

Start there, and if challenges arise for you, come see me, I have a program called Hypno-fertility and we can work through what might be getting in your way!

Contact me if you have questions: 604-421-1722 or send me an email!

My Birth My Way – HypnoBirthing and Birth Preparation

 Where to start with preparing for your birth experience?

There’s already a lot going on, including being tired, irritable, and feeling like you are definitely Not Yourself.

And how could you be, you have at least another human there within you, that seems to be utilizing a lot of your personal resources. There is so much to learn about this, and then there also isn’t, because having a baby, growing a baby, is really a subject women already have the technology to do, it’s there within you when you were born. All the skills and tools needed are there in your DNA, The weeks and months ahead as baby grows and develops, while you busy yourself with your life are really a classic example of just how much your body’s own technology and the new life within you, know just what to do, and in what order too.

Can you really relax this much about it? Well, yes, and yet, also no. Not quite so easy these days, with so many helpful resources available in the form of books, movies, literature, and oh yes the helpful advice from just about anyone you meet anywhere. They can all see you are having a baby. It’s hard to stay out of the line of fire, so here’s perhaps a helpful thing to remember if you get cornered by a helpful aunt with her worst case scenario stories; just remember, all new mothers have to use the bathroom A LOT. If you don’t like what you are hearing, just, look up, and say “Oh I have to …” and turn and go.

Everyone knows and it’s perfectly ok.

The majority of my tasks are affirming these very things to new parents, especially mothers. They are easily “entranced” with thoughts of food, and then open to all kinds of negative downloads. Often they forget these critical considerations:

  • Their doctor or midwife is monitoring everything. Yes, every little detail is measured, quantified, and analysis is complete
  • Their family members are studying the situation regularly and looking for any unusual anomalies, like dreams or food cravings
  • And then there is the literature, both online, in book stores, in the midwives offices, and even in my own library too!
  • And we’re all happy to lend and make available.

So what can a new mother really do during her pregnancy to really help herself prepare for this life shifting event?

Dr Odent’s notes here on my web page and you can view his wonderful Video – he just gives women such peace about their body and trusting their baby. AND I also wanted to include this wonderful article from a doctor to his client – it comes from another time – another decade, maybe even another century, yet it still rings very true and its helped many mothers achieve a relaxed pregnancy during our weeks together as we prepare for her birth experience.

First let me share what I do:

I am a clinical Hypnotherapist and NLP Licensed Trainer & Master Practitioner, DHE Specialist. I am a HypnoBirthing® Certified Child Care Educator. I’m also a Birth and Labour Coach and trained as a Doula.

I work with parents and have attended 100’s of   births in the past fifteen years… I’ve attended births in major hospitals, at home, and water births; with Midwives, MD’s & OB’s.   My personal mantra is “helping women get what they want”.

My other specialities are Bulimia & Eating Disorders,   Phobic cures, and a whole host of other areas of speciality which I work in.

Using NLP and the HypnoBirthing model I uncover these deep structures and assist a woman out of alignment and out of rapport with TV, MEDIA & negative priming from just about any source, so mothers come to believe in their body, themselves and their baby and have established clear’ pattern interruptions’ for those that would dissuade them otherwise

I detail the visual, auditory and feeling   experiences they will have and add to it, auditory MP3’s that guide the woman every step of the way, with a volume selection she has control of.

Accessing their own deeper structure I draw on personal strengths, illicit the areas of fear that are truly irrelevant to their individual births, because they have not happened to them yet! I teach them how to move out of rapport with anything that does not fit their inner image of that calm and peaceful birth. As care providers, we can all learn this process because it’s just technique! We’re doing it anyway and understanding the resultant effect of negative priming versus positive priming is what my program is all about.

In addition, because we live in a time when we have access to every kind of care and support we could want, I help parents embrace all choices. Of course, you want everything to go smoothly and without incident, and we have   professionals supporting your desires all the way. There is simply no need for a mother to feel she has failed her birth, or her child and risk challenging bonding just because she believed her birth was no perfect.   Let me just say, Every Birth Is Perfect. And today thankfully, we are able to choose and make possible that optimum experience for all parents. Assured and supported every step of the way.

In fact, it is now part of the “inclusive” language patterns being taught in the UK in the midwifery schools there, that the birth is without judgement about whether it’s natural or not. So mothers can feel relaxed with however the birth progresses, and not feel like they   have failed.

“My Birth, MY WAY” and whose way is it? It could be the birth of the baby? It could be the   birth of the mother? It can even come under the medical providers needs when they see evidence that things are not going   as they would like. All the way through a birth experience, that ability to remain flexible helps the parents make powerful choices. And we are in a time when a choice is available. Thankfully.

We’ve been missing a key ingredient in the birth model in the west today.

We’ve overlooked a very essential part of an individual’s deep structure: Their Beliefs!

And how does a woman get her beliefs about her birth?

  • What about the Father of the child? What does he believe about Birthing, about his role in the process? About becoming a father? About being there as support at the birth? The immediate family members, what do they believe about birthing? How do they influence the process?

NLP & Hypnosis,

“The experience of our doctors has shown that every woman who enters the delivery room can be helped by hypnosis to some degree at least, and in many of them, complete freedom from discomfort can be obtained. Some doctors report over 90% of their cases are successful using Hypnosis. Not every doctor has this high percentage but a large number of them do!”

  1. Elman – Hypnotherapy 1964,  Conditioning for Hypnotic Delivery & Surgery
  • Neuro – Nervous system through which experience is received and processed through the five senses.
  • Linguistic – Language and nonverbal communication systems through which neural representations are coded, ordered, and given meaning.
  • Programming – The ability to organize our communication and neurological systems to achieve specific desired goals and results.

Incorporated in 1982 the Society of NLP was founded by Dr. Richard Bandler. The Model of NLP however, was co-created by John Grinder, a linguist and Dr Bandler, and Frank Pucelik   together in the mid-late ’70s. They found there were a number of therapists and psychotherapists achieving exceptional results consistently however, not held in the same way by their peers who had taken the same training.

Something was different. They modelled, Virginia Satir, Fritz Perls, Milton Erickson and others, in doing so they found these individuals while achieving consistently excellent results with the clients, were unaware that they did anything special in their work. Interestingly, when gathered together, these individuals were likewise unimpressed with each other

Understanding how we organize the world “out there” into bits of information that we can utilize “in here” is the essential undertaking of NLP.

We know the five senses filter the billions of particles of data daily, filtering them through, generalizing, distorting, deleting and creating little acronyms of events that we can access easily later. Like tying your shoelaces. At 4 years old this was a challenge, at 7 you had it down, now it’s nothing you think of. Riding your bike, a struggle for balance, manoeuvrability, eye coordination at age 5, however now, it’s effortless. these are skills you have for your lifetime.

The brain functions in ways we might think are laborious and complicated, but it’s doing everything so fast we don’t experience anything other than the free flow of information. For example, our eyes see everything upside and reversed then the brain orders it and give us the correct images in the correct places.

Here’s another one: DON’T THINK OF A PURPLE GIRAFFE.

Exactly you have to First Think of it, in order to not think of it. So when people get frustrated with thinking the same thoughts, or not being able to stop thinking about something…telling them to not think about it, …is telling them to THINK ABOUT IT.

Enter Pattern Interruptions! Interrupt any brain pattern by simply THINKING ABOUT SOMETHING ELSE FOR MORE THAN 15 seconds. The internal argument ceases!

  • NLP May Be The Most Powerful Vehicle For  Change In Existence!” — Modern Psychology
  • NLP helps you find out what you want and how you can get what you want.
  • NLP teaches you to communicate more successfully and create the right climate for your birth.
  • NLP increases your sensitivity towards others body language and signals and teaches you to maintain good relationships with those close and not so close to you.
  • NLP opens doors to hidden resources, improves your ability to concentrate, your ability to learn and paves the way for excellence through positive priming and patterning

NLP changes your behaviour positively so that you can handle negative experiences and eliminate phobias, stress, guilty feelings and depression

Richard Bandler and linguist John Grinder, asked themselves a simple but fascinating question: “What is it that makes the difference between somebody who is merely competent at any given skill, and somebody who excels at the same skill?”

Do you see the focus? Not on what can go wrong, but rather on what can go very right! Positive versus negative priming

I asked that same question when I had a first time, 39-year-old lawyer birthing her 7-pound daughter labouring at home for five hours and transporting to the hospital for birthing just an hour later. Her birthing time, from 4 cm to birth was under 6 hours. Intact perineum. She was up and about at home a day later, running up and down the stairs to her baby in the nursery.

This mother worked with me for 6 months beforehand, she had many fears and worries, her husband sceptical at first…her caseload was heavy preparing for her year of maternity leave. She had little time to exercise, little knowledge of how her very intelligent brain worked and just following the process we worked out together

    What are the chances focusing on what you want and how to get that is the very best way to achieve a powerful birth outcome?
    Why rehearse and prepare for the “worst case scenario” just in case? What if you don’t even know all the things that could go wrong and let your doctors, midwives and support teams deal with all that?

  • “It’s my job to inform you of all the things that can go wrong during birth. If I don’t inform you of every aspect and detail, then I haven’t done my job properly.” OB Intern to the woman at 4cm clinging to her husband’s arm.
  • “it appears there is little distinction between hypnosis and priming except that the latter occurs without the induction of “formal’ trance, or through the medium of well-crafted suggestions. The delivery of influential and potentially negative and harmful messages to the patient’s unconscious – whether or not they are intended by the speaker. Forcible or surreptitious “thought-changing” is popularly regarded as brainwashing. Commonly associated with extreme political groups and cults, heightened suggestibility is also known to be induced through trauma, fear and confusion.
  • The pre-requisites to successful thought-changing as identified by the late Margaret Thaler Singer: “Thoughts, values, behaviours, allegiances and beliefs may be substantially altered in conditions where the subject is deprived of his or her own: Clothing, familiar foods, timetable and sense of control. The effect is magnified substantially when the victim is exposed to, but often excluded by the use of a highly specialized language which everyone else seemingly is party to is required to capitulate and submit to the wisdom of a superior sacred science, is discouraged from asking questions or making objections, and is constantly aware that the perceived authorities have the power of life or death.” G. Thomson, Magic in Practice. There is something more at work here, the pregnant woman is also in an altered state, fractionation, the “in and out of deeper states” constantly for hours as her body moves her deeper and deeper into the labour process and she is open to suggestions at a very deep level of the unconscious.
  • The perception of stress can both trigger and regulate Allostatic load.
  • Psychological modulators are as follows:
  • Social Support/connectedness,
  • Sense of Control, Predictability, ritual
  • Outlook (optimistic vr. Pessimistic)
  • Ability to dissipate frustration.
  • Feeling you are in control of your work and personal life is one of the best predictors for a long and healthy life.Conversely feeling victimized by unpredictable forces outside of your control, can be a killer.
  • How much control does a birthing mother need?

Dave Elman wrote this in 1964…

He taught the doctors that worked with him what to say to the mothers so they could have this pain free, easy birth, he said :

“Address your mothers as follows;

I want to tell you about the benefits of relaxation. You know very well that if you were tense and I have to give you an injection you’d feel the entrance of that needle very sharply because of the fact that you were tense. But suppose you were relaxed and were absolutely and utterly relaxed. You can reach such a state of relaxation that you have no discomfort at all at the delivery time. When you are physically and mentally relaxed it is actually so easy to have a baby it’s actually true that in this state the contractions rather than being uncomfortable actually create a very pleasant sensation in your body.”

If a mother looks forward to the ordeal as described by her friends, the media or family, that having a baby is horrible, she looks forward to what’s she’s heard with fear and trepidation. And if I tell you all the descriptions of labour are false, all those terms and names keep a mothers attitude in the wrong state.

  • “There is only one thing that can prevent you from having an easy birth experience, despite all the work we do with you to prepare. Only one thing, a thing called fear!
  • At the time of birth you must be absolutely and totally free of fear and worry if you want to have your baby easily. We will have perfect results if you follow some simple instructions and keep fear and worry out of it” Dave Elman, 1964
  • Knowing what’s going to happen is as important as experiencing what is happening.
  • Our ability to predict successful outcomes, to pain or stressful situations helps us cope with the events themselves and manage them.
  • It’s not going to last forever
  • I can do this, just this one surge, and now this one surge, and this one…and finally there are more behind me than in front of me, and I’m almost there.
  • “It’s nearly over” creates the most hopeful expectation in a birthing mother!

So what if your doctor said to you: 

“I want you to practice relaxation, I want you to practice just what you have been doing here. Learn how to relax at home, so that when your baby comes, you will be all ready for it and feeling so wonderful during delivery and after delivery. Notice how that feeling of relaxation holds on and makes you say to yourself,

“Motherhood is going to be a glorious adventure for me. I’m going to love every minute of it”. And he goes on….

One of the benefits of relaxation practice is it shortens the labour period tremendously. It will shorten it almost miraculously. You’ll be so delighted because, with each surge, the surges will get more and more pleasant so by the last few surges you will actually find yourself smiling through them. And you’ll be saying to yourself that that surge is over I’m even closer to my birth, you’ll feel good, empowered, on top of your game.

You trust your body and it feels really good. You will meet your baby as soon as it’s born because you will be awake during the entire birth. After the birth you will be just as strong and empowered as you feel now, your strength will be complete, your feeling of well-being will be complete and you’ll recover so quickly much more so than ordinarily because this relaxation has served all this so well. Then when you begin to nurse you will find it so very easy and effortless, you’ll be speaking to others soon afterwards as you realize birth for you was really just terrific.

Another benefit is it reduces any of the sensations you might have during labour and allows them to pass through you easily and effortless like you would pass your hand through the water in a pool.

The sensations are shorter, the labour is shorter, and the wonderful miraculous part is because your muscles are so relaxed and open to releasing baby, your body does so without any lasting impact on muscles or tissues, and you are up and recovered easily within a few hours afterwards.”

This is what we do together, in our practice over the months before your birth. We practice relaxation.

We are now entering a new phase in humanity. At a very deep core level, we all get this….be kinder to each other.

  • Death is an illusion, so is separation and abandonment, however, we continue to feed ourselves regular instalments   of these unnecessary fear packets that reinforce our addictions to negative priming.
  • You can change your birth experience and prepare yourself for parenthood through positive priming and learning relaxation so   you too will be ready when your baby comes.
The process is just 5 sessions over as many weeks, and if you find yourself caught short for time, we’ve had good success over a weekend. Some parents have come to see me for the second and even third birth experiences because they sensed they could create something different. Where ever you find yourself in your birth experience, the work we do together will help you.  

The program includes use of my lending library, MP3s and handouts, as well as videos and home care recommendations and guidance for the very special father too! Contact me at 604-421-1722

PostPartum Recovery

baby eyes
The bonds formed now will last a lifetime

How we help you with PostPartum & Post Natal Care:

For women that are unsure, or have had a legacy of difficult births handed down through their family, these sessions with Kathy are life saving. Resume the deep bonding with your baby, recover and resume your relationships with others too.

Understanding we are 70% environment and possibly up to 30% of our DNA relives the fear intellectually, however, to secure your place in the birthing room, Kathy uses, NLP & Hypnosis to restructure essential beliefs that are creating issues that just aren’t necessarily real!

If you have the slightest fears, it’s better to deal with these, THIS side of the birthing room, and ensure you have the clear head, mind and heart for your birthing day!

Examples:

  • Clearing mother and daughter issues
  • Clearing father & daughter issues
  • Clearing sibling issues
  • Clearing family of origin issues
  • Clearing fear of failure and so much more…

These are all examples of one on one sessions Kathy has done for women needing to be fully free to be themselves going into one of the most powerful life experiences they will have! She ensures you “pick up your power”, empowering yourself!

Sessions are usually 60-90 minutes in length and are in addition to other courses or labor support.

Releasing fears
Releasing Fears MP3 By Kathy Welter-Nichols

Hypnotherapy for Post Partum

“The Body Unconscious is where Life Bubbles Up in us”.  D.H. Lawrence.

Traumatic Birth Recovery – 

How can you help me?

Difficult births are possible and do happen even with all the extensive planning and training, it can leave a mother feeling like her birth was not the way she wanted it at all. Taking the time to reframe this early after the birth, allows the mother to regain her balance and focus and stay on task with the many demands her new born is going to ask of her.

I use hypnotherapy and NLP to assist my mothers in reframing the birth so it does not disturb her emotional recovery, and her relationship and bonding with the new infant. Time, patience and healing.

Loss of an Infant

If I know of someone struggling, how can I help?

This is an area of deep personal spiritual growth and takes time for healing. Helping parents to let go requires training in areas of bereavement. I have extensive training in this area. For assistance or consultation, please contact me at 604-421-1722  or email: Kathy

If someone you know is struggling with loss or depression following the birth of an infant, notice the signs and encourage them to get some help. It can make all the difference in their lives and the life of their newborn.

Signs of Post Partum stress or depression: 

All mothers are tired after the strenuous energy of a birth, however, sometimes it’s more than just recovering from a birth, sometimes things happened that the mom is just not recovering well.

MOTHERS NEEDS:

To feel safe, as she allows herself to explore her feelings and her thoughts. These two are highly connected and during birth, she is highly suggestible. Therefore, the statements, the looks, the beliefs that she experiences through her birth can often leave her feeling lost, a failure and fearful for both herself and her infant.

SOME SIGNS OF DEPRESSION: 

  • No Joy, no happiness with her infant – the “good enough mother” but not the joy and love in being a mother
  • A “blunted” mother, sad, motionless, fatigued, distant from her baby and her family and even herself.
  • Angry, Unnecessary fears, negative thinking
  • Not sleeping, emotional, and unable to cope with baby’s needs
  • Or fear of leaving baby unattended even for a moment
  • Severe dreams interrupting sleep
  • Not eating, finding everything extremely negative
  • Not showering or maintaining self care
  • Disinterest in the baby, good enough, but not loving or interested in the infant.
  • Disinterest in the family life
  • Lack of attention when speaking to her, anxiety, not available for intimate relationships
  • Sleeping through babies cries
  • Not wanting to leave the house
  • Shortness of temper or completely lack of emotional response

These can be signs of postpartum depression and are easily attended to without the involvement of drug therapies, which can be harmful to baby.

How Can Hypnotherapy Help PostPartum Depression?

Not unlike, PTSD, Post Traumatic Stress Syndrom, with similarities, operating at a “machine pace” the residual disappointment of chilbirth, traumatic interventions,  & fear, overwhelms the mother’s nervous system.

Essentially 3-4 sessions of hypnotherapy will rebalance the new mothers brain chemistry so that her natural internal system simply “re-boots”.  When we have long periods of interrupted or shorten sleeping, the brain does not release the levels of  serotonin and endorphins  needed which we generally get during a regular 8-10 hour nights sleep.

When that is interferred with over longer periods of time, this interruption can create distortions in the body and the brain.

Hypnotherapy allows the mother to achieve the deep state needed to “re-start” the brain chemistry and after 3-4 sessions over a few days time, her own internal system will come back to it’s full state.

Kathy Welter-Nichols, is a Clinical Hypnotherapist, HypnoBirthing certified educator and a Post Partum Doula

She also provides Labour Support and  offers MBMY /training programs for new parents.  604-421-1722  

Do you have a birth story you would like to share?

Christine’s posts have inspired me to open this site to birth stories from around the world.

landon-baby-picture
Baby’s best chance

Join us on the Facebook pages  too. So many places to share one of the most powerful moments in your life. Sometimes the older the story,  it becomes almost more reflective of the incredible event that made you a Mother.

We all look forward to reading your special story and thank you for sharing a most intimate moment of your life’s journey!

Gatherin of Babies
A Gathering of Babies

Together, we are the difference that makes the difference. Thanks for sharing your story!

Click here to connect to our Facebook pages 

A Mothers Love – by Christine MacKay

baby eyes
First Contact

I was not born a mother rather I was created, established and constructed. Becoming a mother is a life change that didn’t occur when my children were born but when I realized they could not meaningfully survive with out me.

Ashleigh was born in January of 2009 and she was easy from the get go. Although there was a moment in the hospital, a frightening yet, right of passage moment that I realized that I would never be alone again. Furthermore, I would have to shape my life to accommodate a little being that holds my DNA; a bond that can be broken maybe only by death as far as I am concerned. I became enchanted with being vessel of protection for a body that came from me. As Ashleigh got older and more independent of me as they often do, I yearned for that close connectedness that comes during the attachment period in infancy. Who doesn’t love those little babies, who smell like babies, who need you to eat, to sleep and hold them through their first two years? Well maybe a little longer yet.

In late 2012 I did get my chance to experience it all over again with the birth of my son Isaac, who indeed became one of my greatest catalysts for change. The change initially began in the dark, and despairing pit of postpartum depression. In his first two years unlike Ashleigh, Isaac wouldn’t sleep longer then 4 hours with out waking. It didn’t take long before I plunged in to depression as Isaac started experiencing developmental delays. I tried to find it in me to be a good mother to all my children, I was heartsick from all my shortcomings, my relationship with Isaacs father was falling apart. I was overwhelmed by a lack of sleep, an insurmountable need to feel justified, but in the end I felt as though I were a ship that was severely listing. It became the single greatest drive to overcome the demons in my life and it would take doctors, caregivers, family and medication to help me through the tangled mess. This was the evolution of me as the mother.

Baby 013
A fathers story

Now motherhood doesn’t always come to everyone easily and for some not at all. In a study by Harlow in the 1950’s the researcher identified characteristic behaviours of infantile monkeys that had suffered from a lack of attachment or love from their mother. It was a cruel and shocking study on the deprivation of maternal guidance in infantile Ryes Monkeys, and although similar studies were protested by PETA , the evidence gathered by these studies showed clear evidence that support attachment between a mother and child and the child’s ability to cope with the outside world. The monkeys that experienced complete maternal deprivation often had severe social dysfunction, anxiety issues, health problems and some died as a result of their inability to cope with the social environment. (Harlow, Wikipedia 2007)

John Bolby a researcher for the Army Corps and a grad from Trinity western in Cambridge furthered Harlow’s study and defined the “Attachment theory”. Bolby suggested that children are pre-programmed for attachment to mothers, and seek that relationship to ensure their survival. (Bolby, Simply Psychology, Saul Macleod 2009)

In these studies there were glaring examples of the sheer simplicity of attachment, and yet the complex consequence’s of poor attachment with the mother. These deprivations almost always lead to a child’s inability to cope with the social spectrum, building relationships and coping with change.

At this key time of my life I was learning that affection, and trust builds as the mother remains a source of guidance, and comfort as the child experiences joy, excitement, sadness, pain and failure. So I began to make powerful changes that meant I had to pick up my pieces and fight for my own life.

So it was, I made a choice to go back to work, perhaps I was trying to rekindle my own validation, as I failed to justify my position as an at home mom. The work was hard, backbreaking, labor but it was great pay and excellent benefits for the kids and me. My partner and I separated and I moved the two kids closer to town with our two dogs. As if life wasn’t tough enough I pictured myself the mother wolf leaving the wolf pack to go at life on her own with out her pack. How does the wolf do it? How does she hunt for her babies, and how does she keep herself and both of them alive? So my life is not as dramatic as a National Geographic production ;I would get up for work at 4:30 am and leave the kids with a sitter at 5 am for work. I would work all day in the production facility manufacturing company, get off at 4, pick the kids up at 4:30 walk our dogs, make the kids dinner and then fall asleep on the couch at 7:30 well before they did. The meaning of motherhood was becoming so blurred, life was so hard with out the support of the pack, but the days became easier, and Isaac was getting easier with all of the support from therapies.

I always had a sense though like all mothers do, one misplaced step and the whole thing would come apart. A mother’s maturation is a humble journey. A journey for which you are constantly bargaining; whether it be with work, teachers, or your own offspring the art of instinctual negotiation is the difference between life and death in the lone wolf pack. As I tried to maintain that balance of work and life with a special needs child, I felt as though I was holding up so many boxes, tiny ones, big ones that would all come crashing down when I was diagnosed with Renal colic (chronic kidney stones).

Family 004
New Sibbings

I the mother wolf was becoming more and more unavailable because of the hospital visits, the medications, and the surgery to correct the kidney function. It was a mother’s worst nightmare, until one day, like in the movies, the pack returned. The kids were scared when I got sick, but I bit the bullet and re- connected to their dad. I began to repair the dysfunctional parenting relationship to improve the attachment for my children. A concept offered by one of Isaac’s behaviour interventionists was “In the event of a plane crash, the mother needs to put the oxygen mask on herself before the children” It became clear to me I was going to have to harvest some strong friendship’s and bonds so that I could support my own abilities to love and care for my children. I was going to have to align myself with the village no matter how much crow I had to eat, for the benefit of my kids.

Like an onion a mother grows layers of herself, lowering expectations, being more empathetic to those that would support the children’s Journey, and me and finally accepting life for its ups and its downs became a lesson for all of us. See when I gave birth to the children I wasn’t yet there. Giving birth is an enormous achievement, with the loss of your body, the ballooning, the hormones, the eating, the puking, the planning the nesting then the finale. No woman knows if they can handle that pressure of labor, many experience that lack of confidence on the birth of the first baby. The second, well you know you can’t handle it so you ask for the drugs. That is what a mother does, that’s the beginning! Some say that birthing moment is that first true test, but I say I am not sure.

Nothing can prepare you for the first time you see them take a step when they should, or that feeling you get when they don’t. Every mother has been there, for the first fall, the first scratch. Its my suggestion that its the first time you have to decide if you have the courage to make the decision that nobody wants too: The decision to hold your child back, or to leave them alone for the first time.

img_0125
Best Friends

All those things that can run through a mothers mind as you prepare them for the first day of school and they hate it, cry through the whole first day, but because of you they go back the next day and smile a little. The day you think you have abandoned them, failed them, hurt their feelings when you had to share the discipline is that same day they surprise you with that hug,. That thing the researchers described as attachment presented in its raw form. I was blessed with an advanced daughter and a son with autism, and I am sure my body mechanics did not prepare me for both but I wasn’t the only mother with this problem and those other mothers had to find answers too. Like the mother who makes the decision to start chemotherapy to save the life of their three-year-old son; who prepares you for that scenario? I know now as a mother that would make me physically ill but that mother is not alone, and those mothers find answers. There are so many examples of catalysts that change the wolf mother into her truest and most magical form and every woman who has had to make these hard decisions in life knows what it takes. Today I am more confident as a mother because I give very few absolutions, just because I know everything changes.

Elizabeth Stone once said, “Making the decision to have a child- it is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking on the outside of your body

Although a mother’s intuitive nature will be a guide, only time and experience will shape the her bond and character and she will be comfortable with that.

 

References and Citations

Harlow’s Monkeys

Wikipedia-Harry Fredrick Harlow, October 31,1905- December 18,1981

Simply Psychology, Saul Macleod , 2007

John Bolby- Deputy Director of the World Health Organization 1950

Born February 1907 to September 1990

Maternal Deprivations theory, Saul Macleod, 2009

Attachment theory , Saul Macleod , 2007

Elizabeth Stone – Fordham University

Author Quotes , Goodreads